“Captain, he is too alien! He makes me taste yellow root munched between flat teeth!”
I had a bunch of Larry Niven paperbacks back from when I was a voracious reader of cheap science fiction. Niven was one of the best writers, fast and prolific. He wrote a few stories for Star Trek, but “The Soft Weapon” was not one of those stories. “The Soft Weapon” was part of a central Lovecraftian thesis that there were immensely powerful beings roaming the universe billions of years before our modern evolutionary process began. Spock, Uhura, and Sulu are on their way, via shuttlecraft, to a Starbase with a “stasis box” in their possession.
The box is one of several confiscated by Starfleet over the years. These are enormously powerful devices created by a long-dead race known as Slavers which, depending upon their specific function, can halt time, communicate with the dead, cook a hamburger in under two minutes, you name it. The stasis box reminds me of the many Orbs of the Prophets from Deep Space Nine. The Kzinti (created by Niven) were referenced earlier in the season with Walter Koenig’s “The Infinite Vulcan,” but this is the first time we see them.
The Kzinti look like slumped-over, anthropomorphic cats, and they seem to crave human flesh. I always wanted to see a live-action version of these creatures, but that would most likely require paying royalties to Niven. The Kzinti attack the shuttlecraft and take their stasis box. They imprison the landing party and attempt to unlock the secrets of the stasis box. There is an unusual instrument inside the box the Kzinti try to use, but it seems to prove ineffective as either a weapon or a viewing scope.
Spock and Sulu manage to escape with the weapon, but Uhura remains a hostage. The Kzinti demand the weapon in exchange for Uhura. Sulu fiddles with the weapon and finds something akin to a “nuclear option.” Spock and Sulu are re-captured. The story gets repetitive. The Kzinti attempt to use the weapon, but it self-destructs, killing all of them and freeing Spock and the landing party. The message remains: “Hey, we’re stupid, and we’ll kill ourselves with our ignorance!” Not exactly a happy ending.
Twice a week, Star Trek Rewind explores the Star Trek universe. From Archer to Janeway, Kirk to Picard, and Georgiou to Sisko — boldly read what no one has read before!
