Second Union

Second Union

STAR TREK REWIND: “What Are Little Girls Made Of?”

“Have you ever been engaged, Mister Spock?”

Once upon a time, there was a young lady named Christine. She fell head-over-heels in love with a handsome archaeologist named Roger Korby. Before the two were to be wed, Korby disappeared (at least that was his excuse…ba doom boom!) during a research mission on planet Exo III. Christine was so distraught, yet so determined to find her lost love that she gave up a prestigious career in life sciences to sign aboard a starship (any starship) and become a nurse so that she could find him and finally become Mrs. Roger Korby. It took a little time, but Exo III inevitably showed up on Enterprise’s patrol destinations, with sexy results! When Korby hails the ship, Christine melts. Everybody thought he was dead, you see (even Spock), but Christine tied a yellow ribbon round the old warp core. Kirk decides to beam down with Christine (What?) to meet Korby. It’s a good thing she does come down with him, just sayin’. Things don’t look right from jump-street so Kirk beams down two security men, who are very quickly dispatched by an incredibly big, terrifying android named Ruk (always memorable Ted Cassidy).

In short order, and amid a passionate reunion between Christine and Korby, Kirk is captured by Korby and his helpful team of android assistants: the aforementioned Ruk and the hot Andrea (the gorgeous, scantily-clad Sherry Jackson). Andrea’s main purpose in the episode is to grind Christine’s gears. Christine suspects Andrea is Korby’s android sex toy! Weird that her motivation to defy Korby should be jealousy and not loyalty to her captain, but hey! Women! Am I right? Korby starts replicating an android version of Kirk. Knowing what I know of the “social contract,” this is not the best way to meet new people, introduce them to your surroundings, or propose a new project. Korby tricks Christine with the android version of Kirk. It always creeps me out when after Christine suggests Kirk eat, he looks down at the plate, pushes it away and says, calmly, “Androids don’t eat, Miss Chapel.” Korby is such a scamp! When Homeboy has Captain Slick cornered, he lays the scheme on him. This is some serious next-level planned android community logic.

Korby wants to find a habitable planet, set up a colony of tin men who will assimilate into the community, and eventually take the power back (“Come on, come on!”). Kirk quickly figures out he can manipulate the androids to turn against Korby. He starts with Andrea. He basically assaults her with his tongue to get her to feel emotions, or something like that. It’s not as filthy as it sounds. Next up is Ruk who, before nearly severing his spine, tells Kirk that humans are inferior because they cannot be programmed. I’m getting a Blade Runner-meets-Rocky Horror Picture Show vibe from this episode. There’s so much indiscriminate killing at the end of this episode that I understand Kirk’s final point: Androids Is Bad News! I enjoy the photography and production design specifically creating underground, artificial environments loaded with computers and technology, but with a touch of the quaint. Robert Bloch’s Lovecraftian touches give his script elements of horror, and the lighting recalls German Expressionism, but rich in color. Poor Christine will never love again.

Twice a week, Star Trek Rewind explores the Star Trek universe. From Archer to Janeway, Kirk to Picard, and Georgiou to Sisko — boldly read what no one has read before!

For more insane Star Trek babble, check out my podcast (with co-host David B. Anderson), Ship to Ship: A Star Trek Podcast.

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