“Before I left Earth, I learned 38 languages and now all I do is push a button and the computer does all the work.”
A Taste of Risa! It’s a climate-controlled paradise T’Pol has researched and suggested to Archer for shore leave. It took roughly two weeks (and a couple of life-threatening interruptions) but they finally made it to Risa in one piece. T’Pol remains aboard the ship. Archer (with Porthos), Tucker, Hoshi, and Reed take a shuttlepod down to the planet where they disembark and go their separate ways for some rest and relaxation. Tucker and Reed, dressed in silly leisure suits, pair up and hit the night spots. This seems wildly out-of-character for a guy like Trip. Reed, I’m not sure about.
Hoshi spends most of her time alone, studying languages. It’s interesting that Hoshi complains about all the languages she knows, but she is relegated to pushing buttons on the bridge. I wonder if this is how Uhura felt. I mean, if all they needed was a telephone operator, then why would they waste resources by commissioning the world’s foremost authority on languages? That’s a bit like getting Wolfgang Puck to make you a bologna sandwich. Archer gets a big hotel room with a view and meets-cute with an attractive woman named Keyla (and her dog). She’s there to get a little rest as well, or so it seems.
Mayweather returns to the ship after a rock-climbing accident, but he seems to be having an allergic reaction to the medicine he was administered in the hospital. Unfortunately, Phlox is in the middle of his sleep cycle. Denobulans require very little sleep, but when they do, they have to hibernate up to six days. Reed and Tucker try to impress hot chicks with tails of their exploits, specifically that time they were trapped in Shuttlepod One and the time Tucker saved the crew wearing nothing but his underwear and a smile.
The girls lead them down to the wine cellar where they shape-shift into bipedal gargoyle-like creatures. They tie up Reed and Trip and steal their clothes. Idiots. Crewman Cutler revives Phlox, who is hilariously disoriented. By default, this is probably the most “amusing” portion of the episode, which tries to deliberately inject humor into two subplots and drama into two other subplots. This episode reminds me of The Love Boat, except for the espionage element. Archer and Keyla spend time together, and it becomes obvious to him that she has been pumping him for information, with sexy results!
Keyla confesses her family was killed by the Suliban. This pricks up Archer’s ears. Not only has he had some unpleasant experiences with the Suliban, but he has also seen the other side: victims of the Suliban (called Tandarans) who have been detaining innocent subjects in internment camps. When her questions start to sound similar to a line of questioning he received from an internment camp commander named Grat, he covertly scans her with his tricorder and concludes that she is Tandaran. Keyla isn’t a great undercover operative. She’s too angry. When he confronts her, she knocks him out with some kind of a concealed hypodermic needle.
There is very little else to say even though, like I said, there are four stories. Nothing happens until we get to the twist at the end with the Tandaran agent, and that twist felt forced as if somebody had forgotten to include a necessary resolution or conclusion. This is the last we see of Tandarans in the series. Sadly, this is also the last we’ll see of actress Kellie Waymire, who played Crewman Cutler. Waymire died from an undiagnosed cardiac arrhythmia at the very young age of 36. Oddly, “Two Days and Two Nights” serves as a cautionary tale for space travelers on the prowl. Nine times out of ten, you’ll end up stripped and tied down in a basement, but if you behave yourself, like Hoshi, you might just get lucky!
Star Trek Rewind explores the Star Trek universe. From Archer to Janeway, Kirk to Picard, and Georgiou to Sisko — boldly read what no one has read before!
